Anniversary
by krissyxlove
Summary: Eddward has lost his pumpkin.
1. Anniversary

Every morning I wake up and immediately turn to reach for you but my heartbreaks when I realize you're no longer around. It's been almost a year but I am still hopeful that I will wake up one morning to find that this has all just been a nightmare. It never is though, no matter how much I scream and hit myself to wake myself up. The physical pain however is nothing compared to the mental anguish that is met every moment of being awake.

About a year ago I got a call and my whole world fell apart. "Eddward..." I remember hearing the woman's voice say with a painful cry. It was your mother. "Yes?" I ask hopeful that it's nothing serious but my heart knew better and it shattered before the words were even spoken. When they were spoken however...my world ended. "Kevin...Kevin was in an accident. H-he didn't make it..." The woman's voice is shaky and she breaks down and so did I. My boyfriend, my whole world, just taken from me. There was lots of cursing from me but even more crying. I don't think it stopped for weeks honestly I don't think it ever stopped since I find myself crying almost every moment I'm here without you.

The first morning without you was the absolute worst. I woke up and made breakfast for you and myself but then it hit me, you'll never be here again we will never share breakfast again, or any meal. I remember dropping the plate and falling to the floor in the fetal position and crying and screaming for hours. I actually prayed pumpkin. I prayed for some miracle for you to show up at the door. You didn't though and you still haven't.

The funeral was small but I barely held it together but My God did you look beautiful laying there. I swore you were going to wake up any moment but you didn't. I later found out it was a driver who was drunk and ran a light, you were on your way to surprise me for my birthday. Do you know how guilty that makes me feel? Happy fucking birthday.

Every day is a constant battle because I can't get your face out of my mind. I am going insane. I tried to stay in school, I tried to keep swimming, I tried to move on, but your fucking face appears every where I go. I would look in my text book and I'd see your name, I would be at practice and I swear I would see your face in the water, I tried to do anything but I would always expect you to show up. Why are you doing this to me? Why am I still here? Especially without you. The first day back at school everyone asked me if I was okay and when I said no they acted like they felt the same. They don't and they never will feel this pain I have.

Everyone is distancing themselves from me, not that I really had anyone in my life anyway but they say I've been a downer. They say I need to get out more, every time I do though I just think of what it would be like with you... I once went to the new cafe that opened and I thought of how you would order the mocha cappuccino and likely get it all over your face and I would wipe it off and laugh. I then broke down before I even made it to the front of the line. I miss you and that smile and they way you made me smile.

Today would have been our anniversary. Instead of celebrating together I'm here alone at your gravesite. I can't take this pain anymore, I can't take this life anymore. I need to be with you, I need to see you for real...pumpkin I will see you tonight.


	2. Christmas

Well I tried to join you pumpkin, I really did, apparently life had other plans. The snow is falling all around and as I look out the window of my dark lonely house I can't help but remember the first time years ago when we first played in the snow together. You face planted right into it after running too fast in the cold white powder and I couldn't stop laughing long enough to help you up and you sat up shaking the snow off with an adorable pout. The memory to this day still makes me laugh. Even with the mood I've been in since you left this world, several memories of you still can bring a smile to my face as if you were still here.

Today is your favorite holiday pumpkin, it's Christmas. I'm in no mood to celebrate of course. It's my first Christmas without you. You would always wake up at the crack of dawn on this holiday to set up the presents and you would always write 'from Santa' on at least one note card and attach it to a gift every year, mostly because before I met you I never had a proper Christmas. You would also make breakfast too. Yours would be pancakes with strawberries on top and mine would be topped with bananas. I would always hold up a slice of banana to your face just to watch you flip out and make a disgusted face. I would always end up in tears from laughing so hard at your reaction especially because you always had the same one! You know pumpkin, bananas are good for your health.

I finally made my way downstairs and broke down for a moment when I noticed I didn't even put our plastic fake tree up. Do you even remember how many ornaments you broke?! At least 5 a year! It's okay though, I would give anything to hear a shatter followed by a loud "AH CRAP!" Actually, I would give anything just to hear you say anything.

Do you remember our first christmas when you accidentally got me several things I already owned? I could not stop laughing as I opened up gift after gift only to inform you I already owned it and you would put your head down in shame before I would tilt up your  
Chin and look into those perfect emerald eyes and give you a kiss on those perfect soft lips of yours. That was one of my favorite Christmas' mostly because you tried so hard for my sake.

I went straight for the kitchen and I swore for a moment I smelled pancakes before I made anything. I decided to make them myself after that. I made sure to put strawberries on it, just for you. I also made hot chocolate, your favorite. I never got around to drinking it though since I quickly lost my appetite when I noticed one of the strawberries was in the shape of a heart. I must have instinctively cut it that way out of habit like I would do for you.

When I finally moved from the lonely kitchen and sat down in the  
quiet living room I noticed something on the floor next to the couch, a little note card that said 'from Santa' on it in your handwriting. It must have fallen out of a box of keepsakes when I was cleaning yesterday. That, or it's a sign from you, My perfect Angel. Merry Christmas pumpkin. _I wish I were with you._


End file.
